Happy Pride Month!
June is bringing some great developments. I have been orienting at my new job in the county jail as a nurse. What a learning experience! I suppose that some of the biggest things that I do so far are help inmates in withdrawal from various drugs, emergency assessments, and tons of charting, more than I have ever done anywhere it seems. Witnessing the human condition in its extremities has been eye-opening. The staff impresses me generally with their humanist kindness, even when faced with psychosis. There is so much more but I'll leave it there for now.
I am still missing my Seattle lover but glad to be able to see him every few weeks and text multiple times per week. Remaining best friends even after separating households has made this new life more bearable. We are doing things in an outside-the-box way but love combined with thoughtful intention has so far worked. I love that good man!
This last week brought successful opportunities for reframing old stories into new truths. When one's central identity is repeatedly damned by others, one has the opportunity to internally validate oneself, to see the external judgment as the other person's and nothing else. To choose to step away from ruminating and instead repeat a truer mantra: "I made the best right choice for right now." "I am glad that I live here in Portland with my current life and opportunities."
Another lesson this month: never lump people together, even couples, in synopses. I wouldn't want someone to hold me accountable for the actions of my partner, their words, and their behaviors. I would want them to see my individuality too. This has been tremendously helpful in sorting things out and choosing how to engage others. Poet David Whyte stated that long term friendships are a series of forgivenesses, over and over, throughout the years. Of course there must be a baseline of decency and mutual admiration too in my experience, but the forgiveness is a saving grace. It only took me until the age of 44 to learn this. Yup, quick learner.
Portland friendships blossom with the faeries and co-workers. Finances start to settle up again in the job transition. Exercise and stillness routines rock a steady rhythm. Health ebbs up again.