merricks visit seattle 2012

I had a few pictures of the Merricks visit to Seattle that I've been meaning to post - not because the pictures are great, just because they're fun. Everyday moments.

Thank you for coming to visit us!

Here's Rita's post of some of the same days: http://merrickfive.blogspot.com/2012/11/seattle.html

books, movies, and music - 2012

at an artisan street fair in buenos aires

Books and movies have long influenced the popular psyche. Not only do they allow us an opportunity to see something from someone else's viewpoint, walk in someone else's shoes so-to-speak, but they allow us to step into the magical, to suspend judgement for a moment, to contemplate another way of being. In a very real sense, movies and books shift the views of the mainstream. Ideas inconceivable years ago are now widely championed. And more change will surely come.

It is nice to keep a finger on the pulse of the universe, in a way, or at least one of its local pulses in this culture. One can often tell what is important to a culture in its books and movies. I like many of the things I'm seeing - an increased consideration of the common person (though we have worlds yet to go), a valueing and honoring of personal experience, our connectedness. Technology - cell phones in the hands of the masses - internet - and social media have phenomenally accelerated the spreading of many ideas as well.

Here's a place where I'll keep the list of books read - or listened to, movies seen, music links that impressed me.

Books

An Edible History of Humanity - Tom Standage - hugely thought-provoking, counter-cultural to assumptions, and a bit dry, one of those books written by a scientist who loves facts

The Emotional Calendar - understanding seasonal influences & milestones - John Sharp - great info, but redundant

Drive Me Wild - Christine Warren - truthfully female fantasy reading - slutty over-kill, cd on tape for the commute

Healing Anxiety & Depression - Daniel Amen, Lisa Routh - ground-breaking help based on SPECT brain scans

The $100 Startup - Chris Guillebeau - lights a fire under my entrepreneurial aspirations

Soiled Doves - Prostitution in the Early West - Ann Seagraves - fascinating read about censored history

The Call of the Writer's Craft - Tom Bird - specific helps through publishing

Leaves of Grass - Walt Whitman - stirring poetry

The Seattle Times - great to stay abreast of some local and international happenings

The Sun - Feb 2013 magazine - raw, illuminating, personal writings

National Geographic - Feb 2013 issue - Afganistan's Kyrgyz nomads - and other great reads and photographs

Cantos Ceremoniales - Plenos Poderes - by Pablo Neruda. This takes me back to my roots. Joyous word imagery and poetry.

The Ethical Slut - by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Outside the box thinking. Love it!

Mike's Story - a journey of faith - Wolf Creek Mike. I was initially weary of preaching, but am amazed by this Alaskan author I personally had the honor of meeting.

America's Hidden History - untold tales of the first pilgrims, fighting women, and forgotten founders who shaped a nation - by Kenneth Davis

How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere - by Larry King. A down-to-earth read by a surprisingly warm Larry.

The Sex Diaries Project - by Adrianne Cohen. Intimate look into our patterns: partners, lovers, or aspirers.

Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris. Funny autobiographical essays bestseller.

Secrets of the Talking Jaguar - memoirs from the living heart of a mayan village - Martin Pretchel - This "modern" shaman opened my understanding of new parallel worlds.

Island Beneath the Sea - a novel - Isabel Allende. A phenomenally absorbing read following slave Tete in the 1770's Caribbean. Allende is a perceptive shaman storyteller.

Grief and Praise - Martin Prechtel. Native Pueblo-Mayan Storyteller lecture on the kinship of these two themes, two sides of one coin: grief and praise.

No More Goodbyes - Circling the Wagons around Our Gay Loved Ones - Carol Lynn Pearson. A must-read for religious folks with gay family. Wow Carol is wise.

Jung - A Very Short Introduction - Anthony Stevens. A summary of Carl Young's contributions to modern psychology. Amazing concepts which include: the collective unconscious, dream work, and the reaching of individuation.

Movies

elysium - with matt damon - great futuristic sci-fi-ish world introspection, with themes of border crossings, healthcare, and the value of people
bridesmaids - dang-funny in-flight watch
the devil wears prada - meryl streep plays a wickedly funny bad boss fashion magazine ceo

lincoln - I'd been wanting to see this - on a personal hero - what a giant
dexter - series 7 - interesting to see what the hype is about - psycopathic good-guy killer
star trek - the wrath of khan - great to finally see the legend
warm bodies - funny feel-good about zombies acquiring feelings again

lost boys of sudan - refugees coming to america - stirring
man of steel - superman - loved it!
priscilla - queen of the desert - australian comedy about 3 drag queens traveling inner outback
the dark knight rises - latest batman movie - dark and inspiring at the same time
star trek into darkness - loved it and the great themes

gosford park - fascinating historical British classist drama
oblivion - with Tom Cruise - science fiction - very interesting
300 - I finally saw it
game of thrones - season III - medieval magical

big fish - dreamlike storytelling dad and his resistant adult son - loved it
downton abbey - season III - I am SO hooked!
man of steel - superman - loved it!
elysium - with matt damon - great futuristic sci-fi-ish world introspection, with themes of border crossings, healthcare, and the value of people

lilies - bizarre yet interesting - a priest hostage in a prison is forced to watch a play about his past
the best exotic marigold hotel - for the elderly and beautiful - funny, and makes we want to go to India
the importance of being earnest - historical comedy - cute twists and plots
portlandia - teasing portland - awkward and funny
les miserables - prolonged sobfest - stirring

stage beauty - historical male actors as female - intriguing
julie and julia - legendary cook julia childs & blogger - fun
adventures of pi - boy and tiger shipwreck - magical
skyfall 007 - bang bang - fun to keep up with what the mainstream is watching

rare exports - finnish christmas flick - pointless
chuecatown - spaniard gay murder comedy - don't watch it
avatar - for the 4th time - love it



                                            Music links

I can only imagine - cry almost every time I see it
laughing samoans singing - recommended by a friend, comedic, and gorgeous singing
the impossible dream - luther vandross - wow wow wow
crowd amazed - nessum dorma - moving humble guy, sometimes human experience stuns me

Musicals/Plays

anything goes - by cole porter - fun cruise ship musical, daring for the 1930's and even today

encouraging trends

all pics in this post taken from my cell phone

Several findings have encouraged me this last week, in a way that has me generally smiling.

• the rise of the world middle class - I read in a report in the Seattle Times that by the year 2030 - or something like that - a majority of the world will be considered middle class by standards of access to food, housing, education, etc. More people have water, electricity, homes, food. This made me so happy. Much of what we hear is negative - and true - but there IS a general trend towards more prosperity for more - by certain measures.
• less violence trend - Another study: our species is trending to less violent deaths per capita. Over millenia the average chance of death by blow to the head or similar is diminishing. It is now statistically safer for the average person, less violence towards eachother. We often romantically cite a more glorious past, but could it be that our species is evolving in social intelligence?
• non-violent communication - There is an increasing trend in societies, even religious pockets, and parenting and education, towards less emphasis on punishment, shunning, expelling, and more emphasis on love, acceptance, choice. Less ultimatums. We hear in the news notable exceptions, but the average world is embracing consciously new communication. This weekend I'm going to a workshop by the center for non-violent communication, which teaches 250,000 people per year.
• gay marriage - I would not have cared for this one, except for that my personal experience informs me in a very real way on this one. This weekend pictures of Washington couples marrying were in the headlines everywhere, voted in my popular vote. I've shed many tears of gratefulness for the compassion of Washington residents, and the feeling of acceptance of my love that I get on the streets, from my patients on their sick-beds commenting on the news, from a general decrease in homophobia and thus violence towards some people. It represents a taking off the lid of oppression for a minority which will flower in spirit, young and old rejoicing in their newfound place in the center of the human family.
• gifting just because - A society less concerned with rewards, and increasingly more concerned about making others happy. Google and its free gift of knowledge to the world, wikipedia, and the millions of youtube how-to videos. This is huge. How many millions are touched, and encouraged to do the same? Ellen's 12 days of Christmas give-aways, etc.
• democratization - through cell phones in the hands of the masses, internet access. I visited Jordan and was amazed to see covered school-girls - all with their cell-phone in hand. The Arab spring, and phones in the hands of the mainstream in China, South America, Africa, certainly make the voice of more people matter. Information flows, censorship becomes increasingly less.
• healthcare - I see a slow rise of healthcare coverage for all, nation by nation. It's a trend decades in coming. I like it. Every person matters.

cuteness at the cafe

girl fans of the Hobbit at the premiere

• animal treatement - Gandhi once said something to the effect that the advancement of a society can be discerned in the way they treat animals. Yesterday I watched the Katie Couric show while wrapping a couple gifts - and was amused and heartened to see the extent to which we pamper our animals. There is much to go, but we've made progress. Movies cite that no animals have been harmed, toothpastes, clothing outlets, etc. Eggs are from non-caged chickens, meat is free-range. Perhaps if we are treating our animals with less violence and more compassion, it says something about our inner journeys as a people. Definitely more to go, but progress.

ways to reduce stress - increase groundedness

thanksgiving dinner in Santa Fe

Here's my list at the moment:

1.don't wear tight clothes - they stress me out
2. touch or grab my ankles or legs in a stretch
3. get enough sleep

4. arrive early
5. follow a schedule
6. schedule in regular social time

7. forget myself and love my partner specifically (get flowers, wash the dishes, give a massage)
8. breathe 20 breaths in between weight-lifting reps
9. emotionally feel grateful and happy - bring the feeling on

10. get out on a run
11. stop and take in breaktaking vistas
12. give myself time to cry - it's a good thing
13. get things done

14. review in my mind, what I've done, not so much what I need to do (I tend to obsess over the later), and be grateful
15. read a few pages of a book of my choosing
16. stretch

17. go stand in the corner windows overlooking Lake Union
18. keep a list of the things I've purchased and am happy for - pants, gifts, trips
19. do new things

20. research areas where I need help (non-violent communication, upcoming degrees, projects) - new specific knowledge is encouraging
21. keep my work area uncluttered
22. say goodnight every night to the one I love - usually with a kiss

23. every morning take time to stretch in front of the window upon first waking - breathe - awake gently
24. eat according to my values
25. exercise regularly - it's almost my religion - one of my sacred spaces

26. try to hear people's hearts, sometimes necessarily ignoring what they're saying
27. do my first things first

28. grieve when I must
29. dance when I feel like it
30. accept "I don't know" as an acceptable answer

31. take risks
32. acquire colorful and bold clothes
33. speak up

34. blog
35. meet new people
36. savor warm food

37. marvel at / share my night dreams
38. see a funny youtube video

farolitos for christmas

removing a sliver on a hike -
mundane magical moments

Raya and Luca, our gracious hosts

 

americans - winston churchill

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else. - Winston Churchill

generals?

Do you think female and gay military generals would send our young men off to die as quickly and in such great numbers as have been sent by many of our mainstream men?

I saw this picture on the sidewalk and it screamed at the senselessness of much of it. The grief and rage gripped me. The background oil refineries haunt.

haircut kiss

This picture sparks my love for my paternal grandparents. Grandmother Bonnie bends over and kisses Grandfather Blaine on his head. She would soon be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and pass away quickly. A tragedy that still takes my breath away. Strangely perhaps, I miss them.

I will never see her again in this life. Or him. He's gone as well. A couple of weekends ago I was in a workshop receiving a lengthy massage. Our emotions were encouraged. My thoughts went to my partner, and then they slipped to my Abuelito (Grandfather) Luis, then Grandmother Bonnie, Abuelita Rosalba, and Grandfather Blaine. I saw them and I missed them terribly. That's all I'll say for that. Then at the end of the massage our whole bodies were wrapped in a light cloth. Like a body preparing for the tomb. And in my mind I went to the grave - with my ancestors. And many of my patients who I have grown to love - dearly - who have died. Another woman with pancreatic cancer. A middle-aged father with metastatic (spreading) tumors. A Mexican young man. My body descended into the dirt. And I grieved in a surprising way.

I will never see them again. Or will I? Part of me hopes that I will. So many people say they are so sure. And really - nobody knows for sure. The real answer is this: I don't know. But I sure hope so. And if I never do, I will go on missing them.

Before this picture Grandpa Blaine had had a heart attack and open-heart surgery. I watched Grandma lift the gallon of milk to pour it for him - too painful for him with the huge incision opening his ribs. He was honery and jabbed her frequently with his words. Cranky. And just as easily break down and cry expressing his love for her. One moment ordering her to get this or that for the breakfast table, the next moment praising her homemade bread and voice cracking in prayer at his mention of her name. Messed up I thought. Even then. But she never complained. She silently brought the cream, the bread, the hot mush, the egg. And kissed him. At our mention of these discrepancies, she would note that he was hurting after his heart surgery. And how she wanted to be there for him.

Some time later when he healed, and she became ill - terminally - he was devastated. He brought her food, and sat at her bedside, and cried. Mostly out of her presence if he could. She was progressively in alot of pain. And her desire to serve her partner was increasingly limited. The hospice nurses came in shifts. She shifted between wanting to manage the pain, and wanting to be present for Blaine. A couple of months later - near the end, Bonnie calmly told Blaine that she would like him to remarry when she passed. Hearing this was too much for him.

- - -

I came from California and visited, with my mother one afternoon. Aunt Tony had photocopied many of their favorite songs piano music and given it to me. Grandma Bonnie suggested to me prostrate that I play some of these songs to lift Grandpa's spirits. She encouraged him to sing. She loved hearing him sing she said. He consented to one or two. Soon he'd been singing three or four. And at the end of a piece turn the page contentedly to the next one, tickled at the magic of memory lane. I'd done this with my father many times, it seemed so natural. He singing and I playing the piano. Grandpa sang the popular songs of their youthful marriage and courtship, mixed with sacred pieces.

One song caught him unexpected though. "When I am lonely, and you are gone... Sing me to sleep..." sang the text, in a surreal parallel to their current experience. He tried to get through the verses, but by the the second chorus, "When I am lonely,... you are so dear..." his voice cracked and brought him to his knees. Literally. My mother turned off the video camera she'd been holding - to respect this sacred grief. And he found himself a few feet away kneeling on the ground at the couch where she lay, his head buried in her bosom, shaking in great heaves. She cradled his head. They both present to eachother. Wordless. Torrents being communicated and experienced.

Grandma Bonnie quietly thanked me later when we parted. Saying that he needed to grieve. That it had finally hit him. She praised me, trying to hide her grimacing.

- - -

When I look at this picture all of that and more flashes in an instant. An emotional swell. An early morning home haircut. A wordless kiss on the crown of the head. So common it could almost be taken for granted.

- - - - - - - - - - -

This is the unedited, uncensored version. Some chafe at the mention of "negative" traits of ancestors. Like history books, some prefer to gloss over certain details and create pictures coloured rose or only warm hues. But our children need to see, in my view, all of our humanity, and see us struggle, figure things out, and live through imperfect situations. See how strong love can be. So it is no disrespect to note that my esteemed Grandfather was often cranky, that their Abuelito drank alot in his early years and almost lost his marriage, that their Abuelita ran away from home to the big city at age sixteen to make herself a nurse, that their uncle is gay and partnered with a wonderful accomplished man, that our blood has been through heart-breaking divorce, prison, mis-carriage, infertility, depression, or nearly any other thing that many would prefer not to talk about, and that binds us as common with all the human family.

I record this for family to "witness" a holy event that perhaps will give them a window into the greatness of the common people we descend from and are.

little celebrations

Life has many little things to celebrate. Here are a few I caught by camera.



a friendly horse near Santa Fe, New Mexico

Raya, Russian-American dear friend of Casey's, psychologist, doctor, with her son and medical assistant

chicken-pot pie at a lesbian-owned successful Fremont business, one of Casey's favorite local food spots

at the club Cuff with our good Brazilian Mormon visitor friend Shae, one of the ever-fun Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, and sweaty dance-happy me

crosses at a Catholic pilgrimage site Chimayo in the high desert, esteemed as holy even by the local mainstream artistic secular community