abuelito frias

Mom, Tio, and Tia being silly about the bug spray on July 4th

This weekend I spoke with Tia Martha, and she reminisced about her father, my grandfather. She shared some experiences that I didn't know about, and I thought I'd share them here.

coup d'état or "golpe de estado" prisoners

I mentioned that I started working at a prison as a nurse for a temporary assignment, and Martha reminded me that Abuelito (grandfather) also worked as a military prison medic for most of his career. I had forgotten.

Chile's military prison often housed political prisoners, as was the case in the country's military take-over of 1973. Grandpa saw many governors, senators, doctors, artists, or other socialists where housed overnight before a quick military trial the next day, many of them being executed within hours of trial. Some would be released, to be shot in the back as they ran. Some exiled.

Tia Martha tells that Abuelito often helped prisoners as best as he could, talking to them, calming a governor's frazzled nerves, slipping him a sleeping pill for the night so he might get some sleep before standing "trial" the next day. For these helps he could have lost his life. She remembered another respected doctor that was killed in those days.

I reflect on what serious times he lived through.

curfew and bodies by the plaza 

Martha recalled the split between my grandparents politically, Abuelita (grandmother) being very much against Pinochet for his hauling off and disappearing of so many young men, and Abuelito (grandfather) appreciating the order he restored to the country. Martha sided initially with her father, being close to him. She also thought her mother was being over-dramatic and inventing things.

One evening a lady friend visiting from San Felipe for tea lost track of the time, and before they knew it were past the 8pm government-imposed nation-wide curfew in those years. Tia Martha, not knowing the seriousness of the curfew, but still nervous, accompanied her friend outside to the plaza. There were several military trucks outside the communist headquarters building, and just then soldiers were hauling bodies out of the building into their trucks. Draped.

Martha and her friend then realized the seriousness of their breaking the curfew. And the seriousness of their new government's actions. She then knew personally that her mother was not making things up, she had seen it with her own eyes.

first suit

Years earlier, Abuelito's first job in a Santiago hospital allowed him to buy clothing, first a new pair of dress shoes, then a stylish suit. His uncle had recommended that this be one of the first things he do to fit in to the new prestigious job. The suit was the most forward style of the day: an elegant black suit with small white dots in the fabric.

Excited, he brought it home to show his step-mother. She immediately commanded him to take it off and give it to her oldest son, saying that her older son needed it more than him, and that he didn't deserve it. He felt wounded. Combined with other experiences like this from her, over the years he slowly distanced himself from her. Abuelito was the child of a previous relationship, and his step-mother never seemed to be able to forgive her husband, taking it out on the child. He had many severe experiences.

mentored by anesthesiologist

As a late teen an uncle took him under his wing. This uncle was in fact Chile's first anesthesiologist. He cared for young Abuelito like a benevolent father, tutoring him in how to work in the capital city, how to dress up for work, how to greet people properly, and many other things. Martha and I reflected that this man was probably the originator of Abuelito's many mannerisms, from dressing in slacks daily, wearing a button-up shirt, nodding his head at people, and many other formal niceties.

materials for feminine needs

Perhaps his medical/anatomical knowledge and his concern for others allowed him to give care that was daring and counter-cultural in his generation. I'm going out on a limb a little in sharing this story too. Although I think that stories like this could be shared gracefully more often to the benefit of many.

Mother previously recalled to me that as a young girl no-one had prepared her or ever talked to her about what changes would accompany her maturing as a young woman. So she was shocked and scared at the first occurrences. Alone. But she will always remember the consideration of her father, not her mother, who approached her with a handful of materials - perhaps gauze and bandages, and told her that she would probably be needing these now as a young woman. There was no further conversation. But my mother knew that he knew. And that she was not alone. She was extremely touched that he reached out to her in this very (then) taboo but important moment in her life.

 

grandchildren

Tia Martha says that Abuelito's life was punctuated by severe experiences and a sense of formal soberness - all until his grandchildren came along. Now whether that's the dramatic storytelling of my kin, or the exact truth, it does seem accurate from what I perceived. Martha says he'd tell his co-workers that there was nothing so beautiful as his grandkids, nothing that livened up his life as much as they (us).

I reflected that I remember seeing him light up with toddler Cristina, tasseling her hair, lightly pinching her cheeks, playfully teasing and engaging her. I do remember a formal grandfather, but one easy to smile, always seeking engagement with us. He sat in his spot in the galleria - inner sunlit porch - talking to us, making jokes about Chile and the U.S., cultural comparisons, praising us and asking us questions about how we were doing.

stirring up

I told Tia Martha that I'd like to write some of these memories. She said that she'd rather not stir up painful chapters - referring to some of the turbulent political history. She'd rather that they go with the way of their experiencers.

But I responded that it was not so much to stir up controversy about history, but to remember the hard and beautiful things that our loved ones went through. I explained that I thought it was useful for us posterity to know these specific things about their experiences, not just the white-washed version, because when we encountered difficulties in our own lives, we could draw strength knowing that "our people" had gone through tough things as well. Sometimes failing, sometimes triumphing.

Loving someone is also often related to knowing them. Knowing specific things about how they suffered, or went through, or how they lived.

on the new frontrunner from Provo to Salt Lake City

touring the Mormon conference center
with seating for 21,000 and famous organ